Yooo, tell me more about cinema sins. I mean, yeah, I could google it, but I just dropped a couple of hot Hamiltons to see you guys on Wednesday, and I'm curious about this other little troupe.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

Hey buddy! See you Wednesday!

(To anyone reading this and feeling confused, we have a joint live show with CinemaSins at Zanies Nashville on Wednesday. Tickets are even cheaper for our Tumblr friends.)

And CinemaSins breaks down everything wrong with a movie as quickly/specifically/brilliantly as possible, occasionally for us and mainly on their killer YouTube channel. Check them out. Run don’t walk. Honestly jealous today’s the day you see their stuff for the first time.

Tickets are going fast for this show and we’re expecting a lot of walk ins, so get your tickets now! There are two stages of anxiety I have for every show, and we’ve recently entered the second. Here they are:

Stage One: No one is going to come to this show, it’s just going to be me on stage plus some drunks that wandered in by mistake and maybe every bully I’ve ever had. I’m going to perform for eight people who won’t laugh and the promoter will be mad at me and everyone will be mad and I will have done a bad job. I wish I’d never agreed to do this.

Stage Two: We sold how many tickets? Oh, shit that’s a lot. Oh no. Okay. Oh no. That’s a lot of people to disappoint, okay, crap, farts, oh no. What if i do a terrible job and they’re all mad? What if I do a GREAT job and they want to talk to me after? How do I make sure I’m the thing they want me to be? Oh no. I wish I’d never agreed to do this.


Anyway I hope you like my jokes. Performing live is my favorite thing to do that will ultimately kill me from the inside out.

cracked:

Guys guys check out how great Brockway's new novel is gonna look:

flockoflamingos:

thebrockway:

weirdshitblog:

Fact: You can terrify young children by telling them that the internet used to be pay-by-minute and TV channels went off the air at night.

Oh god, I had blocked all of that out.

And if you wanted to watch your favorite music video on demand you had to call a 976 number

Real talk: One time I couldn’t get past a point in Zelda, and I had to call a toll number for help. How did we survive?!

weirdshitblog:

Fact: You can terrify young children by telling them that the internet used to be pay-by-minute and TV channels went off the air at night.

Oh god, I had blocked all of that out.

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”

Nobody ever explain this to me. It is perfect as it is.

Nobody ever explain this to me. It is perfect as it is.

troyesivan:

ketchuppee:

geekycrap:

4gifs:

Waterbears can go without food or water for more than a decade. They can survive temperatures from zero to above the boiling point of water, pressure six times stronger than the deepest ocean trench, radiation hundreds of times higher than the fatal dose for a human, and the vacuum of space.

but everything comes at a priceson of a bitch looks like a dick

Guys you don’t know the half it. Tardigrades, or waterbears, (or moss piglets, how cute is that?) are the coolest things in the entire world. They pretty much live everywhere on earth, and all they do is amble around drinking water. But if their life is in danger, they shrivel up into this little raisin thing and they can survive practically anything. There was a piece of moss sitting dry in a museum for a century. Some scientists wetted the moss, and they woke back up. Just started drinking the water again. They have survived as near to absolute zero as science has allowed us to get. They’ve woken up after being subjected to 6 times the radiation lethal to humans, even though they are about 3 millimeters in length on average. NASA sent them into orbit and they were released into the vacuum of space for ten days. They woke up. So what does this mean? Scientists believe this may help to prove the existence of live elsewhere in the universe, and how life came to Earth. If there are creatures that can survive the emptiness of space, who’s to say an asteroid didn’t carry some from one planet to ours?

still looks like a dick tbh

Make it giant size, put a saddle on it. I’d ride it into battle.

troyesivan:

ketchuppee:

geekycrap:

4gifs:

Waterbears can go without food or water for more than a decade. They can survive temperatures from zero to above the boiling point of water, pressure six times stronger than the deepest ocean trench, radiation hundreds of times higher than the fatal dose for a human, and the vacuum of space.

but everything comes at a price
son of a bitch looks like a dick

Guys you don’t know the half it. Tardigrades, or waterbears, (or moss piglets, how cute is that?) are the coolest things in the entire world.
They pretty much live everywhere on earth, and all they do is amble around drinking water. But if their life is in danger, they shrivel up into this little raisin thing and they can survive practically anything.
There was a piece of moss sitting dry in a museum for a century. Some scientists wetted the moss, and they woke back up. Just started drinking the water again.
They have survived as near to absolute zero as science has allowed us to get.
They’ve woken up after being subjected to 6 times the radiation lethal to humans, even though they are about 3 millimeters in length on average.
NASA sent them into orbit and they were released into the vacuum of space for ten days. They woke up.
So what does this mean? Scientists believe this may help to prove the existence of live elsewhere in the universe, and how life came to Earth. If there are creatures that can survive the emptiness of space, who’s to say an asteroid didn’t carry some from one planet to ours?

still looks like a dick tbh

Make it giant size, put a saddle on it. I’d ride it into battle.

laughterkey:

sebsational:

unforgettabledetritus:

iena:

talesfromthecrypt:

alexandra-ewing:

kiss-distinctly-american:

jhrmn:

morefunthanbeingsad:

hatfights:

I found this wall of Indonesian bumper stickers via Kevin Church’s twitter (@Kevin_Church) and this, no joke, is art. I can’t stop looking at it. 

there are some incredible slogans on display here

if you don’t heart jiggy-jig i don’t know what to tell you

I can’t decide if I want Get Your Cunt Out or Fuck Me I’m Princess more. Wait nevermind. I want UTERUS!

I was so sure Grumpy But Gorgeous was going to be my new tumblr url but somebody’s already got it. :(

100% FUCK OFF

No one wants “Beau fucked a donkey”?

OK, dudes, I guess that’s more “get a dog up ya” and “suck a butt” for me.

I really like “I root fat chicks” but I think the juxtaposition of:
Up the bum no baby’s
Seize the moment
Beau fucked a donkey
Is really what draws the eye here.

I can’t stop staring at I WILL SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH.

GET YA CUNT OUT

A new single by Drake. 

laughterkey:

sebsational:

unforgettabledetritus:

iena:

talesfromthecrypt:

alexandra-ewing:

kiss-distinctly-american:

jhrmn:

morefunthanbeingsad:

hatfights:

I found this wall of Indonesian bumper stickers via Kevin Church’s twitter (@Kevin_Church) and this, no joke, is art. I can’t stop looking at it. 

there are some incredible slogans on display here

if you don’t heart jiggy-jig i don’t know what to tell you

I can’t decide if I want Get Your Cunt Out or Fuck Me I’m Princess more. Wait nevermind. I want UTERUS!

I was so sure Grumpy But Gorgeous was going to be my new tumblr url but somebody’s already got it. :(

100% FUCK OFF

No one wants “Beau fucked a donkey”?

OK, dudes, I guess that’s more “get a dog up ya” and “suck a butt” for me.

I really like “I root fat chicks” but I think the juxtaposition of:

  • Up the bum no baby’s
  • Seize the moment
  • Beau fucked a donkey

Is really what draws the eye here.

I can’t stop staring at I WILL SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH.

GET YA CUNT OUT

A new single by Drake. 

Self-esteem is overrated.

There’s something very liberating and empowering about opening yourself up to the possibility that you might be a giant piece of shit. Seriously: If you believe you’re beautiful and intelligent and creative and wonderful and something terrible still happens to you, where do you go from there? There is much wailing and beating of the breast: “Why do bad things happen to good people? Why did God allow this? Is there even a God at all?!" But if you open up your mind and embrace the likelihood that — sure, you have some redeeming qualities — but you’re pretty much a total dipshit when it comes down to the wire, everything starts to make a whole lot of sense. Plus, your next logical goal is totally attainable: "Tomorrow, I am going to try not to be as big a shitwad as I certainly am today.” 

And then the caterer made fun of his Gorton’s Fisherman outfit.

"If anybody objects, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"I object! I love you, Susan! I always hav-"

"George, no! Sit down! You’re making a scene. We’ll always be friends, but I love Jeffrey. I’m marrying Jeffrey.”

- The day before George R.R. Martin started work on A Song of Ice and Fire