I forgot I made this stupid thing:
You know the power of the sock-chucks. If you don’t, you will. Soon.
coreyarango asked: I live 2 minutes from that laboratory. Will you aide me in a pillaging of its blob-drug technology?
Yes. I hope you’re ready. I’m already welding a shark cage onto a van, for reasons that are unclear even to me, but I suspect it’s because I saw them do it on A-Team once.
Caligula Vs. Joffrey
Holy shit. Caligula escaped to the future; we must stop him.
Advising our readers to sex their way into assassinating the president is probably not going to work. —
My work emails are the best. (via kathythewriter)
That was Jack. Another piece of feedback from him that I actually left yesterday: “Emphasize that guilt is like the auto-erotic asphyxiation of emotions.”
My boss is the best boss.
Thanks to all who voted! Cracked.com was named Best Humor Site in the 2013 Webby People’s Voice Awards!
We owe this unwieldy, decorative spring all to you. But no, you can’t touch it.
“U can’t touch this.” -Cracked.com’s Webby Acceptance Speech, 2013
No more of this “holding doors for others” nonsense. From here on out, it’s every threshold-crosser for himself.
4 Good Manners It’s Time to Stop Pretending We Care About
Listen, I’m the most genteel motherfucker around, and I’ll violate your useless slop-hole if you say otherwise. But even I have to admit that some aspects of our polite society are at best outdated and at worst needlessly complicating our already hectic lives. (And some of us have long days of slop-hole violating to get to — life’s busy enough.) There are some social faux pas that, for better or worse, we just need to let go. You’re not going to help anyone by …
#4. Holding the Door
It’s not the most accurate title, but ‘4 reasons fuck you and shut up’ wasn’t going over well with the ad folks.
If they let you talk dirty, I’m in.
This is the best picture on the Internet.
ACE OF SPADEZ
“I’m gonna draw a pretty star right there, so everybody will know I’ve got the whole universe in my pocket.”
(Source: andisaweternity, via hereinidaho)