No more of this “holding doors for others” nonsense. From here on out, it’s every threshold-crosser for himself.
4 Good Manners It’s Time to Stop Pretending We Care About
Listen, I’m the most genteel motherfucker around, and I’ll violate your useless slop-hole if you say otherwise. But even I have to admit that some aspects of our polite society are at best outdated and at worst needlessly complicating our already hectic lives. (And some of us have long days of slop-hole violating to get to — life’s busy enough.) There are some social faux pas that, for better or worse, we just need to let go. You’re not going to help anyone by …
#4. Holding the Door
It’s not the most accurate title, but ‘4 reasons fuck you and shut up’ wasn’t going over well with the ad folks.
If they let you talk dirty, I’m in.
This is the best picture on the Internet.
ACE OF SPADEZ
“I’m gonna draw a pretty star right there, so everybody will know I’ve got the whole universe in my pocket.”
This is a man’s, a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothin’ without a complicated series of anti-Peeping Tom diagrams for a woman or a girl.
5 Craziest Ways Men Have Censored Female Sexuality
#4. Chinese Police Issue a Complex Chart to Stop Peeping Toms
In 2012, the Zhejiang province police in China got fed up with creeps spying on women and decided to end this peeping tom epidemic once and for all. After browsing their heavily censored version of Google for a while, the officers came up with the ultimate solution to protect the modesty of Chinese women: math.
The police’s website divulged a series of charts and diagrams designed to help women avoid giving men a look up their skirts … as long as they have a degree in geometry.
Prevention? Nice try, China. I know a how-to guide when I see it.
Every time I check my Tumblr, I spend five minutes just wondering “what the fuck IS this thing?”
I mean seriously, what am I supposed to do with it? Is it a blog? Is it a photo-album? Is it like Reddit for people that hate democracy?
I don’t know. Here’s a drunk cat. Fuck you.
My book sales so far have been described as “disappointing,” you guys. My heart is totally broken. I have thousands of friends/fans across social media and so far less than 100 of you have bought my book. If it doesn’t sell I might not be able to write another one. So I am literally begging you…
Barnes & Noble
Also available in all good bookstores now.
Why aren’t you bastards buying this? Is it because you’re bastards? Stop being bastards! Kathy’s a hell of a writer, has been with Cracked forever, is responsible for some of your favorite things on the site, and wrote a very funny book about death. At the very least, all you goth comedians should be eating this one up…
You mentioned glenlivet in another question you answered. Is that your favorite scotch? I bought a bottle recently and I love it.
It is for right now, but it changes. For example, right now I have a bottle of Glenlivet, therefore my favorite scotch is Glenlivet. My favorite scotch of all time is “the scotch in my glass.”
Just under two years ago, Cracked.com’s Robert Brockway held a fundraiser because he was having a bunch of financial issues like all of his shit getting stolen and things like that.
I’m in a similar predicament now, so I am stealing Brockway’s idea and phrasing it so…
This guy’s trying to steal my balls! Everybody give him money so he’ll stop!
Dear Brockway, ever thought of teaming up with Luke McKinney and starting your own gaming blog? Because you two are geniouses when it comes to writing articles on games. Whenever I see a gaming article/list on Cracked I immediately think "this must be written by either Brockway or McKinney".
Well, you answered your own question a little there: Cracked allows us so much freedom that, when we have something to say about a game, we can. I imagine that represses the urge to start a whole new blog for the subject. That, and the Cracked Non-Competition Deathsquads™.